Prologue
It had been two years….two long years since the LambSauce Affair. That's what I liek to call it. After we rekt Jake Paul we went our separate ways. I haven't talked to Keem, but me and Gordon kept in touch through AOL and when he sent me some holla holla get dollas for being a good little cum dumpster. I have since decided not to be a neckbeard loser, so I bought a comfy little cabin in Oregon, I still have Wifi and my subscription to Cummies Monthly, but I have also taken to living off the land. I chop my own firewood, grow my own dank, and make pocket pussies out of tree bark and crushed berries. My dakimakura of Ramsay has been in the attic since I moved in. I, for the first time in my life, finally felt like I wasn't a leech. But my life was about to be changed, again.
…..
Max had been gone for two weeks now. Talk around the school was that she had moved away again for the second time. Mr. Jefferson still had the pictures and videos he took of the ordeal, and he still made massive cummies to it on the daily during lunch. He knew he was pretty much in the clear, and that the animals and hobos of Arcadia Bay had either eaten or fucked Max's corpse. As long as nobody got suspicious, it would remain his little secret. The only thing left of Max was her clothes, and her cum covered polaroid piece of shit. Both of which were ridden with semen from Mr. Jefferson.
Cholera knew better. She knew Max's disappearance wasn't natural. Despite being expelled from deh skool, she went to see Mr. Jefferson. Max always talked about his hipster peener. When she walked into Mr. Jefferson's room he had his legs spread out on his desk moaning about how sexy "that red headed slut" was. Chloe brushed it off and went up to Mr. Jefferson. He quickly stowed away his vein cane. "Who the fuck is this blue-haired whore?" he thought to himself, then he noticed her slender figure. He had always wanted a punk for his collection. He prepared his new chloroform gun and waited for the sloot to come close.
"Hey, you probably don't know me, but I used to come to school here. Max used to talk about how cool you were, but she's been missing for weeks now. Have you maybe….seen her?"
Mr. Jefferyum's stomach dropped. "I thought she was an introvert without any friends, shit." he thought to himself. He looked up, put on a totally sad face, and fabricated a story.
"No, I thought she was really sick or just skipping class. She's been missing this whole time? That worries me." He thought he sold it pretty well
Chloe looked Mr. Jefferson up and down, and noticed something on his desk. A polaroid camera, the same one she had given Max that one day.
"WHY DEH FOOK DO YOU HAVE THAT!" she screamed.
The jig was up, Mr. Jefferson jumped up from his chair, cock in hand, and fired the chloroform gun at Chloe. The dart penetrated her bare shoulder. She suddenly felt lightheaded and ran out the classroom as fast as she could. "Shit" Mr. Jefferson thought. "I hit her bone, now it's gonna take even longer to work." He really needs to practice more on that one girl hanging from the ceiling in his playroom back home. By the time he got outside he saw her running down the road like she was drunk. He hopped in his shit green prius and took pursuit, but Chloe took a 369 degree turn into the woods. He parked his gay prius and pursued her on foot.
Chloe felt sicker and sicker as she ran, it was as if she had drank the dank drank and smoked the smokiest smoke. She didn't know how much farther she would make it, and she finally keeled over as she was crossing the creek. Mr. Jefferson finally caught up to where she was before she passed out, but saw no trace of her. He busted a nut in the creek, and walked back to his prius to make plans on how to get this fucking blue-haired sloot. His dicks thirst shall be quenched.
Luckily for Chloe, I am not horny while I type this, and her unconscious body was swept down the creek. Some niggaz would argue she was better off with Mr. Jefferson.
Chapter 1-The Portal Opens
I was out doing my usual thang, chop, wank, drink, smoke, wank, wank, eat, cry, sleep, repeat. My cozy cabin was looking pretty sexy and the sun was high in the sky, and then my pager beeped.
"Get on the fucking computer you fucking degenerate." -Gordon
My eyes and dick bulged. Gordon hasn't paged me in over a year. Something must've been going down. I went to my new and improved Beef Wellington™ supercomputer, and opened up Skype. Next thing I knew Gordon's tasty face filled the screen.
"What's up, Chef Daddy?" I said in a hyper-sexualized tone
"Shut the fuck up you fucking knobgobbler." Gordon screamed, then composed himself
"Raiden, there's trouble in the universe. The LambSauce, it's gotten a lot deeper than we've could've imagined."
"Deeper than my asshole?" I said trying to turn on the Cexy Chef.
"FOCUS….there's been a disturbance in the timelines. Raiden, I have a lot to tell you, so go rub one out so you can pay attention." Gordon buttoned up his hot chef's jacket and put on his reading glasses.
I sighed, pulled down my pj's, and began to stroke my cock.
"NOT TO ME YOU FUCKING FAGGOT" Gordon screamed "GO JERK OFF IN THE BEDROOM OR SOMETHING FOR GOD SAKES!"
I did as I was told and came twice in 5 minutes. When I came back Gordon ran through the whole situation.
"Like I said, there's been a disturbance in the timelines. Someone in an adjacent timeline has unleashed a devastating power on both of our timelines. There's only one thing I know of that can cause that much destruction. The forbidden LambSauce, said to be the purest LambSauce in the universe, mixed by Tibetan monks over a millennium ago. I thought they had it locked away, but obviously, someone got it. I'm not exactly sure who it was, but I did get this transmission from a contact in the adjacent timeline."
Just then, Gordon's face switched to a transmission screen, what followed next 2sp00ked me 2 the bones.
"Plays Mistuh Juffson, don b so means to meh I b gud frum naw on."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP KATE. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU SOUND LIKE A RETARD FROM ALABAMA ANYWAYS, THIS IS FUCKING OREGON."
"Awww naawww mistuh juffson, i dunno wur deh boo-hurred gurl dun gon'"
"FUCK IT, YOU'RE GETTING THE BALL GAG"
The transmission ended with the sound of buzzsaws and covered screaming, then Gordon continued:
"As you can see, whomever this Mister Jefferson is, we gotta find him, and stop him. The LambSauce may be able to wipe out both timelines, but it holds much more power than that"
"And what would the be?" I said like a cool spy dude
"Well, it can give the user superhuman strength, speed, agility, invisibility, and a swathe of other power. It can also heal common ailments and horrible injuries, but most of all it can resurrect the dead, but I'm sure that last part won't be necessary in the future."
I spoke up: "So, what should I do?"
"First off, go find Daniel-san and take him to the coordinates I'm sending to you now. The next thing to do is to keep a watchful eye out for things that don't quite fit in this world. From what I've gathered of the adjacent timeline, everyone is an edgy hipster faggot with an unquenchable thirst for soy, and happens to find time to inject passive-aggressive bullshit into literally everything they say. They're also hipster, so they carry around obsolete bullshit. Be careful Raiden, they aren't all there. And watch out for inter-dimensional portals, they will pop up randomly and more frequently depending on how unstable the user of the LambSauce becomes, any question?"
"...can I take your plane?" I asked shyly.
"Take a taxi you lazy fuck" Gordon spurted and went offline. I went and got on my unitard with the patented GR on the front, and looked out the window just in time to see one of those portals open up, and a sexxxy qt3.14 shoot out and into the creek beside muh cabin.
Chapter 2: Mister Jefferson Becomes The Sauce Bauce
"SON OF FUCKING FUCK" Mr. Jefferson screamed as he nearly shit himself in anger. He pulled out his secret pen and poured out soy onto his hand. He then snorted a dank line of soy to refocus himself. As the soy did its work he calmed down and readjusted his dank ass glasses. "Okay….don't freak out, just go get some more sauce." He muttered. He got back in his prius, did a 1080p donut and sped towards his hipster den.
He sprinted down the stairs to his playroom, he could still smell deh fuk he had given Max not so long ago. He stopped what he was doing, pulled down his pants, and jerked off for 69 seconds to the pure sexual energy coursing through the room and his veins. Once he was finished he went to the secret panel in the wall, entered the keycode, and watched as the wall slid down to reveal the glorious Sauce, the LambSauce. He went to great lengths to get the LambSauce, but the rewards he had been reaping far outweighed the danger. He prepared a double shot and injected the dank shit straight into his veins. He roared a mighty tard roar and threw a glass dildo lying on the floor and watched with satisfaction as it fucking stuck into the brick wall, holy shit. But it wasn't enough, he needed "MOOOOO' POWWAAAAA." He studied the ancient book he had also taken from the temple describing the powers of the LambSauce. As he skimmed he saw something that made his cock jump out his pants.
"Ay yo homie, da sauce be good fo' brangin' bak hoes n' shieeeeet."
Mr. Jefferson knew what this meant, he could bring back his precious Maxine, and she could be his own little art project. Forever. He gathered his things, grabbed a tactical attack spork, and made his way to the landfill.
….
I parkoured my way to the creek just in time to grab the girl by the pussy and drag her inside. She was cold and wet. I checked her titties for a breath, but I couldn't find one. I began to use the CPR my uncle showed me when I was 8. I grabbed her by the ass and breathed down her throat over and over until she started coughing up water. Thanks, Uncle Badtouch. I think his name was Slavic. Anyways, the blue-haired whore coughed up water on muh mahogany floor. She then sat up and scanned the room, and finally saw me. My fedora and unitard sp00ked her and she bitch slapped me and ran towards the kitchen. I ran after her yelling "Wait," but alas, she did not wait. She grabbed my favorite steak knife and held it up in front of her. "Get the fuck away from me" she yelled. I approached her like Brad Pitt in Jurassic World. "Hey...it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you" My overwhelming god-like aesthetics must've spooked her because she threw the fucking knife at my head, sticking in my fedora. Nobody fucks with my fedora, so I engaged my tard mode and ran her into the wall. I screamed, "SUPLEX CITY, BITCH" and suplexed her ass head first into the floor. Shit, she was unconscious again. I didn't have time for her bullshit, so I dragged her by the arms into the basement. I left her 3 days worth of cummies as food and water from the leaky toilet above. I flipped up the stairs, locked the door. And finally got on my way to find Keem.
Keem wasn't too far away. Only a few thousand miles from Oregon. I finally made it in about that many days' time. "Keem's Cooks" was booming. People were outside taking pictures and eating, some where watching through the widow, fucking plebs. And others were blazing up in the courtyard. I toked up with them, and went inside. At the middle of the restaurant was Keem himself; Cooking for a large table of fancy looking peniseaters. I sat at the only spot at the table and held up a menu to cover my face. Keem said never to engage in conversation with him in public. So I spoke in our secret code.
"Where do black jews sit" I said quietly. Keem looked in my direction, and his face suddenly drooped with stage 5 depression. He called security, and they dragged me to the back of the restaurant. They gave me an ice cream cone so I would go tard mode. Eventually Keem stomped in and threw off his apron.
"What in the goddamn fuck do you want, Raiden? I thought we agreed to never fucking talk to each other."
"I know we did, but Gordon wanted me to come get you." I showed him a recording of the transmission Gordon sent, and Keem opened up.
"Gordon really does need us again, that sauce is very dangerous if it's in the wrong hands"
Keem put on his unitard and we took his dank ass car out to the coordinates he sent us. We were on our way when I remembered the girl in the basement.
"WAAAAAAAIT" I screamed. Keem slammed the breaks. "HOLY SHIT WHAT" he yelled.
"We gotta go back to my house." I said.
"Jesus Christ, Raiden. It's clear on the other side of the country. What could possibly be so important?"
I smirked like my favorite amine waifu, "you'll see"
Chapter 3: The Second Life of Maxine Caulfield
"Hobo Joe you're a sick fuck, you know that?" Mr. Jefferson said
"Fuck off Mark, you're the asshole that dumped that poor girl out where I live. I didn't let her body go to waste, it's just the cycle of life" Hobo Joe said while resting under the tarp he made out of Maxine's skin.
"Either way, I'm gonna need some of her back, you can probably keep the pussy, but I'm gonna need the skin tarp."
Hobo Joe laughed. "OH YEAH? THIS IS WHERE I LIVE, YOU HIPSTER DOUCHE!"
Mr. Jefferson sighed. "Alright, what if I get you more of her skin, will that work?"
"I think you need to get the fuck off my property." hobo joe said and brandished a rusted shank.
"Fine, have it that way Joe, but just remember; I tried to help you." In a heartbeat Mr. Jefferson had hobo joe by the throat, and in another heartbeat Mr. Jefferson snapped his neck like it was twig. He took the skin. Kissed it, and proceeded back to his prius. "Oh...sweet Maxine, we're gonna be together for the rest of eternity" He jerked off and came on her skin the whole way home.
When he returned to his playroom, he laid out the skin. He grabbed the sacred bottle of sauce and poured it onto the pelt and massaged it in while reciting ancient verses. The room grew cold while the skin tarp felt unnaturally warm. It then began to shrivel up and twist into different shapes. Then in a blast of light and an ear-splitting scream, Max was on the table, naked, gasping for air. Mr. Jefferson rubbed his eyes after the flash and surveyed Max. She looked the same; mosquito bites for titties, red hair, and whatever else that I can't think of. Mr. Jefferson got hard again, but didn't rub himself off. He was more intrigued than horny.
"...Max?"
"W-what happened?"
"...you in there"
Max looked at Mr. Jefferson, and everything flooded back into her mind. She kicked at Mr. Jefferson and did everything in her power to get away.
"NO...NO NO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME"
"MAX, STOP, YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT HARDER ON YOURSELF!" Mr. Jefferson screamed, and proceeded to bash her in the head with a glass vase. Now that she was back in both mind and body, it was time to have more fun. He looked around, and saw the chair he had always wanted to use. He put some clothes on her naked body he thought she'd wear, and restrained her to the chair. The cycle was about to start, again. Only this time, Max was infinitely caught in a loop of being tied up, tortured, raped, and killed by Mr. Jefferson only to come back and relive the ordeal. Lucky Mr. Jefferson.
…
"Raiden, you have a girl locked down there?" Keem said pointing to my basement door
"Hey, she stabbed my favorite fedora"
"Go down there slowly and quietly, chances are she's rigged up something to kill your ass with." Keem stated matter of factly. We slowly made our way down the stairs to see the blue haired girl in a corner, empty jars around her.
My dick perked up at a vagina being in my house. "H-hey, sorry about locking you down here, but you were too dangerous to take with me. But since you've calmed down, you're free to come back up here and tell us who you are and where you're from."
"So...many cummies" she muttered.
"Yeah, sorry about that. But if you come with us upstairs we'll give you some food and water that isn't coated in my seminal fluid."
The girl didn't reply, instead, she picked up an empty jar and threw it at my head, I ducked and watched it shatter behind me. I looked back and saw that she had keeled over. This fucking bitch can't stay awake for nothing.
"godammit...KEEEEEM COME HELP ME GET HER UP THE STAIRS" I yelled. Keem made his way downstair and gagged in disgust of the jars full of cummies.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why in the fresh holy fuck do you have jars of sperm collected down here? AND WHY IN THE FUCK DO YOU JERK OFF SO MUCH YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY STACK THE JARS?"
"It's been a rough couple of years." I said while Keem grabbed her by the arms and I grabbed her legs. We walked up the stairs and sat her at the table in the kitchen. Keem cooked us all some food while I prepared what question to ask her. Eventually she woke up...again. She started to get antsy, so Keem quickly placed the food in front of her with a large glass of water. She stared at us, then to the food, and shoveled that shit down like it was muh dik. We had finally gained her trust, I think. After she had finished the food and water, we proceeded to ask her a variety of questions. I started off with something simple:
"What is your name?" I asked like that one guy from CSI: Miami
"Chloe" the girl said
"Good, and how did you get into the creek?"
"I...I was being chased by this guy, and he drugged me, and I was crossing the creek, and that's the last thing I remember."
"Drugged?" I asked
"Yeah….Drugged"
"Back up just a second, start at the beginning" Keem stepped in to ask
"I was searching for my...friend. I went to the school she attended and asked her favorite professor if he had heard or seen anything. He was acting kinda funny when I saw her camera sitting on his desk. Right there I knew something was fucked up, she would NEVER go anywhere without her polaroid. The teacher suddenly pulls out a fucking dart gun and hits me right in my shoulder. I started feeling woozy and ran out the school when he chased me. Like I said I was crossing the creek when I finally passed out."
Me and keem looked at her, intrigued. We left her at the table and conversed in the kitchen privately.
"We have to contact Gordon" I said
"Definitely, besides, you know she isn't….like us, right?" Keem stated
"What do you mean?"
"Let's talk to Gordon about that."
Chapter 4: The Second Death of Maxine Caulfield
Mr. Jefferson waited for Maxine to wake up. Once she did, she realized where she was, again. She pulled hard on the leather belts lashing her wrists and ankles to the cold metal chair. She began to tear up and eventually cry, knowing what she was about to go through once more. Mr. Jefferson paced around her taking snapshots of her form at various angles and lightings.
"Yes, Maxine, let it out, show your true fear, your heartache, let the world know how it feels knowing that nobody will find your mutilated and deflowered body."
Mr. Jefferson was saying whatever he could to get a reaction from here, and it was working. Maxine fell into a new tide of sobs and cries and sniffles. Eventually, he grew tired of taking pictures, he wanted to feel her, as he had before on the bed. He tore off her clothest, and proceeded to play with her hair. She no longer cried, she just accepted her fate. Mr. Jefferson stepped off of her, and produced a variety of knives and scalpels. He made a deep cut from each radial artery all the way to her elbows. And watched as her wrists leaked dark red blood. He relished watching the color and life fade from her face. Once she had finally died, he took off her head with a large meat cleaver and took it to the surgical table. He did the same Sauce spell and with the same results, Max was in front of him once again. He looked to her decapitated body to see it dissipate into dust and float in the air like it never existed. He was going to enjoy this over, and over, and over, and over.
…
"Raiden you dumb fuck, no shit she isn't one of us. I mean LOOK AT HER" Raiden pointed to Chloe, still sitting in the kitchen chair. "SHE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING WAX SCULPTURE IN THE LIGHT"
"Yeah, I guess you're right." I admitted
"Anyways, thanks for calling me here, we are definitely out of time to meet at the coordinates. We're gonna have to do this ourselves."
"Do..what exactly?" I asked hornily
"Well, considering the girl over there floated through a portal like it was nothing, then the two timelines are very close to merging, which will result in all of us being destroyed in a single instant. We have to go through and find out who is trying to harness so much power. The main portal should be relatively close to where the culprit is. Once we find him, we have to defeat him and use the LambSauce to set the two timelines back into balance. It's simple enough, but the only things worrying me is how much of the LambSauce the man has used, and how much he has left…."
"Wow, that's pretty fucked up." Keem said
"Yeah, it is. We have to get going. Raiden, you said she floated down the creek, right? That means the portal should be upstream, Chloe….that's your name, right?"
"...yes."
"Good, once we're one the other timeline, YOUR timeline, you have to guide us, can you do that?"
"Yeah I guess I can."
"Great, then we need to get going" Gordon said
And like that, us 4 sexy adventurers went off to save the universe from the hipster douche.
Chapter 5: The Crossover (Literally)
"SAAAAY CHEESE!" Mr. Jefferson cheered as he shared a selfie with Max, who had been stripped, hung by her wrists, and had "Mr. Jefferson's Little Slut" burned into her stomach. Her head slumped back and her body went limp. Mr. Jefferson pushed her body just to watch her dangle in the air. "Are you fucking kidding me, Max. That's the shortest you've been alive, yet." He unlatched her, carried her to the table, and did the spell for the 20th time that day. He looked into the body, which had a disturbingly low amount of LambSauce left. He rubbed it on her, and while the sauce did its work he felt a chill on the back of his neck. Someone otherworldly had entered his dimension. He smelled the air….."him" Mr. Jefferson said and conjured up another spell. An entity to protect him from whomever is coming. It grew to a massive 8 feet tall, bulging muscles, dark skin, and a dope ass mustache. The creature stood up, and looked to Mr. Jefferson below him.
"GO, GIGGA NIGGA, AND DEFEND ME FROM WHOMEVER MAY ENTER MY REALM, I'M FUCKING BUSY!" The gigga nigga grunted in acknowledgement and lumbered out, barely fitting through the door. Max was finally back, curled up against the wall.
"Awwww, don't be like that, this isn't gonna last forever, it will be pretty fucking close, but you'll be free….someday. See, the sauce is running low, so we really gotta make these last few times we have together count."
Max eyes started to tear up, and she tucked her face into her arms and sobbed.
…
We finally made our way to the portal that led to their world. Chloe stepped in first, then Gordon, then Keem, then me. Their world was...different to say the least. Everything looked like it was made of plastic, and the people all looked like they were either fresh out of Auschwitz, or had never heard of protein in their lives. The world was also 20 years behind ours since everyone's insisted on being a gay ass hipster. That was reason enough to prevent the merging, but Gordon insisted on getting the LambSauce back from whomever stole it.
"Alright" Gordon said "who was it you said drugged you?"
"Some assholes named Mr. Jefferson, he's a photography teacher at the school in town."
"Do you know where he may live?" Keem asked
"Why the fuck would I know that?"
"Fuck off, cunt. I'm the only one allowed to be snarky." Gordon said with authority. Watching Gordon take control made my dick go super saiyan with cummies.
"Let's try the school" She said.
"Good idea. Raiden, once we get there, I need YOU to go in and figure out where the cumsucker lives."
"Yea boi." I said with a cool anime grin I saw in muh hentays.
Once we got to the school, class was already out. Which made for easy Tactical espionage action. I used my now honed, Metal Gear Solid skillz and tiptoed down the hallways until I found what I think was Mr. Jefferson's room. It looked exactly like how I expected a photography teacher's room to look like. Super fucking gay. The room was trashed with papers all disheveled on the floors. Desks and tables were fucked up with no particular order, and weird pictures of abstract art lined the walls. I went to his desk and amongst the papers and used tissues were a polaroid. I stowed it away in my satchel for later. As i dug through the drawers of his desk I found a hidden folder filled with polaroids. The pictures I saw were…...interesting; an M shaped turd, a selfie of a girl I would definitely impregnate, and various other pictures, but amongst them were other...more disturbing pictures. One was of the same girl in the selfie tied to the bed, another was of her covered in blood. I stopped there and nearly threw up on the floor. I had to show them to Gordon, so I unwillingly stowed them away with the polaroid. My next find was a dart gun and a variety of darts. I aimed at the wall and the dar flew out with force enough to cut through skin. Very odd. I then searched his computer, I finally found what I was looking for:
Name: Jefferson, Mark
Age: 38
Eyes: 2
Blood: Red
Gender: All of Them
Born: A While Ago
Address: 6969 DefinitelyNotASexualDeviantKidnappingGirls Lane Box #2
Fucking hipsters and their postmodern addresses. I ran out and showed the Gordon everything I found. He retched and nearly threw up, but kept his composure. Keem wasn't quite as strong and threw chunks up on the pavement. Chloe wanted to see, but Gordon pushed her away.
"No darling, you really shouldn't see these"
"Fuck off, I NEED to see them"
Before Gordon could react, she grabbed the pictures and looked at them. We watched as she flipped from picture to picture, before throwing up on herself and collapsing to the ground crying. We knew that the girl in the picture was a close friend of hers, but what could we do to console her. Finally, Keem spoke up.
"Chloe, the LambSauce has powers….powers that might be able to bring her back if she's gone, or fix her if she's still alive, right Gordon?"
"Gordon looked to the ground, sighed, and replied: "yeah, the LambSauce can, in fact, bring back the dead, but…." He turned away, at a loss of words.
I decided to speak up. Not because it was the right thing to do, but I could get some major pusspuss out of it, and I wanna see if the carpet matches the drapes.
"Chloe, we have his location, once we find him. We will know for sure what happened to your friend. This won't go unanswered" Nailed it, all those times playing Ace Attorney have finally paid off. Chloe looked up to me. The mascara running from her eyes. Muh dik literally can't, and I made bad cummies in my unitard, but luckily Gordon installed a cummy catcher, so Chloe was none the wiser. She wiped her face, stood up. And we made our way to Mr. Jefferson. He wuz gonna get rekt
Chapter 6: The Gigga Nigga
For being such a shithole; the place sure was fucking huge. Gordon practiced his Sauce Magick while we neared the house. Just we walked up on the driveway, we heard a rumbling, a mighty roar, and out of nowhere a massive golem stepped out from behind the house. It had to be at least 7 foot tall, and with bulging muscles that would turn Chuck Norris. We didn't waver, and we prepared to rek this bitch. Keem charged.
"LEEEETTTTS GET ROIIIIIIGHT TO BEATING-"
Keem got slapped by a single swoop of the gigga niggas arm and flew right into the fucking garage door and the motherfucker exploded.
"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM" I yelled and charged, but Gordon got me by the asscheek.
"NO RAIDEN, STAND BEHIND ME AND PROTECT CHOLERA" he said and put on a necklace that had a huge ass amulet on it. Gordon did some naruto shit with his and KUMMY KUMMY YUUUUMMED the gigga nigga into nothing but ash. I rated the boss battle 2/10 for not enough difficulty, but Gordon had made his way to the puddle that was once Keem. Only his G-fuel™ hat remained. Gordon pulled out a small bottle and poured it on his hands. Me and Chloe watched in anticipation as Gordon did some advanced Sauce Spellz, and the next thing I know Keem is in front of us, bare ass naked, but with his G-Fuel hat.
"What the fuck happened?" Keem asked
"Your dumb ass got fucking obliterated by the gigga nigga" Gordon said, and handed Keem an extra set of clothes. He then looked to us
"You see that? Only a handful of advanced saucerers can summon a Gigga Nigga, Mr. Jefferson must've been studying for years, but that also means he used a massive amount of sauce to summon it. We must hurry."
Chapter 7: Mr. Jefferson
We ran around back to where the gigga nigga came from, and found an old cellar door. We slowly made our way down, to find the Mr. Jefferson's chamber. Inside was very dark and musty. Once we found a light switch we were greeted with blood, blood literally everywhere. In one corner were hundreds of tools used for Goodness knows what. One wall was covered from top to bottom in polaroid pictures. On a closer look it was of the girl I had seen in the polaroids at the school. In everyone she was in a different position, with Mr. Jefferson doing something different to her each time. I couldn't hold it, I puked onto the floor and started feeling dizzy. I spun around to get Gordons attention...when I saw her. In the middle of the room was the girl. Naked, and tied to the bed, an almost exact copy of the picture I had seen at the school.
"MAX" Chloe screamed and ran to her.
"Max" was unconscious, fortunately. Her body was contorted into disgustingly sharp angles, cuts and burns and bruises were on every part of her body, every...single...part. Chloe finally roused Max into consciousness, only to be met with a face full of blood Max spat out just to breathe, her teeth had all been pulled out. Gordon held his face in his hands, and finally hurled his guts up onto the torture chair he had been looking at. He had to lay on a wall just to keep standing. Keem was still recovering from being resurrected and sat outside the room.
Chloe was sobbing and trying her best to untie Max, she was unsuccessful when Max whispered something.
"He's…..coming"
Just then a bright flash lit up the room, exposing even more gore. It was Mr. Jefferson, taking a picture of all of us in the room.
"So...what do you think of my gallery?" A qt3.14 grin slid across his hipster face.
"YOU FUCKING BASTARD" Chloe yelled and charged him, only to be met with a swift upperhook to the jaw, the crunch of teeth and bone was sickening as she temporarily left the ground and was out before even hitting the floor. It was only me and Gordon. This was really like muh amine's
"Jefferson, you are playing with fire. Just give me the LambSauce, and we'll leave."
"Gordon...that's not gonna happen. Only one us are leaving this place, and since I have the Sauce….."
Mr Jefferson jostled what little bit remained and snorted that hawt line like it was the finest coke ever. He pooped his neck and raised his fists.
Gordon took off his Sauce belt and rolled up his sleeves
"Oooh lad, you dun goofed. I'm about shove a fucking up your ass sideways"
And with that, they were at it. Hammering each other with LambSauce powered fists. I, being of no use to Gordon, went to help Chloe and Max. We finally got the wire tying Max to the bed off as Gordon called upon a powerful spell, and Mr. Jefferson did the same. It was the dankest shit I had ever seen. Their fingers moved like it was straight outta muh Naruto amines. But Gordon barely outdid Mr. Jefferson and called upon an onslaught of locusts who ate away at , and like that he was nothing more than a pile of bones and shit. Gordon, who wore out himself calling upon such an advanced spell so fast, fell to one knee. I went to help him up, and limped him over to the Sacred Sauce. He looked inside, and his face turned grim. "Fuck" he said.
"What" me and Chloe said in Tandem
"He used damn near all of it, there's only enough to do one of two things. I can save your friend here, or I can save the two timelines, I can't do both….I'm sorry"
Chloe looked dumbstruck. "No...no no no that won't work. You HAVE to save her. Please, I've already lost her once, I can't go through that again."
"I can, but both timelines will merge, and both universes will die. And she'll die regardless. I used up my own sauce bringing back Keem outside."
Chloe started to choke up
Start playing "River Flows In You"-Yiruma's Piano here
"NO NO NO YOU FUCKER, PLEASE FIX HER FOR FUCK SA-"
"Chloe…." Max struggled to get out from her destroyed mouth
"It's okay….please….let me die."
Chloe was in awe "but….I just got you back, and Mr. Jefferson is gone..and…..and"
"Chloe….it's okay. This is what I want."
Chloe started sobbing again. Gordon limped forward, and gave her some berries.
"These are nightshade berries, they'll make sure your friend passes away quietly and in comfort."
Chloe was suddenly filled with anger
"HER NAME IS MAX YOU FUCKER, YOU GET THOSE FUCKING BERRIES AWAY-"
"Chloe please….give me the b….berries" Max said beginning to choke up
Chloe looked up to Gordon, down to Max, then up to Gordon again. New tears welled up as she put her hand out for the berries. Gordon gave her the berries and gave her hand a gentle squeeze and whispered in her ear; "Make it quick, we don't have much longer."
Chloe then fed the berries to Max, who pushed them onto the roof of her mouth with her tongue, and swallowed the bitter-sweet juice. For the final time, she felt her life seep away from her bones, and rather than intense pain, she felt the numbness envelope her. And instead of Mr. Jefferson's face, she saw her best friends. Her vision faded, but she wasn't sure if it was from the berries or fresh tears. She used her remaining strength to mutter a single phrase.
"Chloe, I…..love…...you"
And with that, Max was gone. For the last time. Keem, able to walk again. Came down with a sheet to wrap Max's body in. gordon began preparing the spell.
"I'm gonna need all of you to leave, the spell will be intense, and everyone will need to be outside."
Me and Keem carried Max's corpse outside, with Chloe right behind us, still in tears. Once we were outside, we could hear the spell being performed, and the most intense light I had ever seen poured out from the cellar door.
After about 20 minutes, Gordon stumbled out, and collapsed onto the ground. The spell was successful, the timelines had been fixed, Mr. Jefferson was gone, but no matter how hard you try…..you just can't save them all.
Epilogue
Chloe called the police shortly before we left. I never got any of that pusspuss. Gordon and Keem were barely able to reach the portal, but they did. And before we knew it we were back in our own world. As we made our way through, the portal closed behind us. Both timelines were saved. Once Gordon was able, he went back to whatever the fuck he was doing before. Keem offered me a job at Keems Cooks, which I happily accepted. I eventually got off the dank and started to really turn my life around for the even more betterer.
…
Chloe put a fucking bullet in her head, like she should've all along
Teh Edn?
Raiden will return